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Saturday, 10 April 2010

  • touch me quick, I wont be in this body for long.

    I am everlasting.
    I am not content.
    I am not final.
    My words transcend space and time.
    My being shines and blinds those around me.
    My core is solid and true.
    My beliefs are ever changing.
    My flaws are beautiful
    and my mistakes are experiences.
    My experience is my wisdom.
    Watch for my hairs to fade gray.
    Watch for the crows; digging their feet in.
    Anticipation for an elderly me.



Tuesday, 26 January 2010

  • 2010

    so if you havent been informed...you who read this blog...meaning no one haha I left about a week and some days ago for the west coast. filled in jordans spot in the station wagon to load up and go to monterey and then portland oregon. Im in Cali right now, hollywoodish area. we stayed in ohio drove to tennessee stayed there drove to arizona stayed there. then out to cali and now up to Monterey which is more north of here. We've been stopping in town to busk for money. lauren playes her guitar and ryan played his uke. I just sit and freddy he usually walks around with zaphod. Ive seen some beautiful things and beautiful people. it's been amazing actually. I wish I had more time to write but i cant write in the car because its too distracting and when we stop places theres always shit to be done. hopefully I remember the details i want to. i saw cassie last night which felt more than good. a familiar face was needed and it being her was like the cherry on top. I miss my friends. Ive talked to rachel everyday, it helps me a lot. i love that girl so so much. i text everyone when i can and some people i try to not text so much, so i dont agitate them-impose on their alone time.

    My emotion have been up and down. When i have time to write is when I feel most at ease.

    My traveling companions are good. lauren is a little young and our humor doesnt quiet match up. Freddy is set in his opinions and sometimes very wrong which is aggravating but i dont care enough to say anything. Ryan is a good guy but a little caught up in lauren. Theyre all a lot different from me. but good.. the boys are a little touchy feely, i try to sleep alone when I can.

    my thrpat is very sore, it's upsetting. im ready to relax in one spot for a while. make some friends and actually do somethings, not just ride in the car and stay in people familys houses.

    overall I am happy, overall I miss you, overall myself is closer to I.

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

  • fuck

    Oh man I was thrown for a loop this week. I dont know what to do with myself as of now. I went from being in a great relationship, in love, happy...out of debt working two jobs to this. Im alone I dont have a house, fuckin sleeping on a couch, one job and back in debt. In a matter of a week! I dont know if I can go back to my home, I dont know if I have to get an apartment. I don't know what I'm going to do for Christmas. I don't have a car I cant get anywhere. I don't have a girlfriend to be with, I was supposed to go on a vacation to Portland and I can't do that now. My holidays are completley fucked. My Living situation is fucked, my emotions are fucked, my bills are fucked. Im trying to stay positive...I know it's all for a reason. I know nothing is out of anger or done to hurt me. I understand, but it doesn't change the fact that I really got the short end of the stick.  I gave up my life. My whole life, everything I have except my pack and some clothes. My dog my food my love my everything. I know it will get better, I know it's not the end of the world. I know she loves me and will be my friend. I know I'm not alone. Im still crying though. Im thinking positive and speaking positive and reading positive and working positive but man I'm still crying. I got to the top of my game and someone pushed me off the damn ladder again. Every time. Every damn time. I wish christianity wasnt such a crock of shit so I had some kind of crutch to lean on. Beer cans are too short and liquor bottle break to easily. I guess it's just me and my two feet and my god damn anxiety. ::Breathes:: Everything will be okay.

Friday, 31 July 2009

  • Currently
    Gut Symmetries
    By Jeanette Winterson
    see related

    where does the good go.

    As of recently I have been a dull light. My ideas are buried and unexamined in the far corers of my mind and my opinions are shallow and emotionless. I used to be challenged; even if by myself. I have no time for things anymore, to be challenged or to challenge. I'm consumed by my jobs, gaining money, saving money, spending money, breathing money, living money, my vision is tinted green and everything is less beautiful. I need something bigger than me. You are lost, he is gone, they are far, and she is new. Stable, I am too stable; put me in danger all ready. Rip me apart, push me away, kick me out, boil my blood, PUSH ME. Slap me,wake up my nerve endings and maybe they connect to my spirit. Make me go again, I say to everyone. I need to spend more time alone, saying these things to me. I can free me, push me, challenge me, hurt me, love me, hate me, fix me, and make me, better than anyone. It's a shame I don't know myself well enough to start conversation anymore. It's time to go.

Thursday, 11 June 2009

  • wake up!!!!! shit is hitting the fan!

    we are now officially in a level six according to the World Health Organization.(swine flu BS...read up on the truth of this flu...not mainstream media lies.)

     This gives the government the right to put us in martial law (that's a bad thing kids, it takes away ALL of our rights completely .meaning; curfews, cops on the streets, guns and weapons taken away...catch 22 sort of thing)

     Do not take "mandatory" vaccinations! Take a second out of your day today, re read your rights in the constitution and do not give in to anything that limits or takes away those rights!!! This is real and serious shit. 

    The government is a tool of the people, not the other way around.

    Do NOT look the other way and assume everything will be okay tomorrow because it's getting worse everyday because we want to pretend that this shit is happening.

    Stand up now, it's getting close to being our last chance.

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